You Noobs Got Owned!

Now, I’ve been accused of being an eThug a few times, myself. This website can certainly be used as evidence to that claim, but I don’t see it quite the same way. We never go out with intentions of starting shit with ‘anybody’. We’re like the A-Team.. you have to find us, we don’t go looking for the trouble. Of course, with all that said, if trouble does skip down our sidewalk (and, yeah, most of you skip.. I know it’s true) then we tend to fight back with both barrels blazing.

I actually logged on for a little Matchmaking with no expectations of coming away with a blog post. It was just going to be a few quick games with SquirrelBaits, who hasn’t been able to get online much lately.

But, sometimes you encounter stupidity on such a level, it must be addressed. Tonight I present to you another episode of wannabe gangster, xbox LIEvers. We’ve all encountered them, and we all know the type. Lots of boisterous claims with absolutely nothing to back it up.

(a93hb) was such a little douche, and was ready to beat my ass if only I would provide an address to meet him at. He insisted on a public place, so I decided on a small shopping center, and thanks to Google, I was able to deliver the exact address along with directions to my inevitable ass whoopin’!

The funniest part of the whole encounter wasn’t his bullshit, though. In fact, it was his insistence on calling us all gay, even though every comment out of his filthy mouth centered around him sticking a part of his body into a part of mine… or my dad’s, but never good ol’ mom. He was clearly into dudes exclusively.

I hope you find the man you’re looking for, a93hb .mp3

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Last night was just like any other night. A few people took the approach that they were someone important who was going to get me banned from xbox live. One in particular stood out as especially comical. The threats were funny enough, but the delivery of his message was so half assed. He stumbled over every word like the drunken clown at your 12th birthday party.

He starts out OK (mp3)

He Gets Angry and the threats start! (mp3)

Now he back peddles, but the stammering continues (mp3)

I picked on the wrong gamertag (mp3)

His gamertag is famous (mp3)

If you listened to all these messages, I’m sure you are laughing as hard as I was at this point. He claimed his gamertag was famous but a google search returned a grand total of ZERO results… WELL, Lizard boy, you’re Famous now. This probably wasn’t what you had in mind though, was it.

By the way, I am still on xbox, so what is the delay? Did your boss laugh in your face just like the rest of us, or were you just full of shit as I predicted?

I almost forgot, his gamertag was (SHOT LIZARD).. be sure to send him a message telling him how funny he was.

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Freshly cut, poorly mastered and graced by some of the idiots mentioned here.  This is the first of a weekly, semi-weekly, bi-monthly or whenever the fuck I feel like making one.  If you would stop being stupid, you would free up a lot of my time.

The Sound of Owning (Look At the Ratio) - Volume 1 .mp3

Unfortunately, since I’m recording this, you can’t hear the gorgeous timbre of my voice, or the enlightening pearls of wisdom that leak off my lips like cold sore scabs off of your mom (that wasn’t one of them).  I’ll be thinking about how we can make that happen, but in the meantime, give DarkRai a little credit.. he really isn’t this dumb sounding, you’re just hearing two sides of a three-way conversation.

We’re dedicating this joint to SquirrelBaits.  WTF?

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These are in no particular order. They’re just a bunch of idiots we ran into tonight. Some were a little stupid, and some were kicked off the short-bus for being behind the curve.

The Salamanator (actually thought Bill Gates was the one banning people from live)
Master Chul (too poor for a microphone)
calebcbr (generic moron)
Dunlup SY
DMitch3520 (owned on Valhalla)
xBCxCRIMINALx (serious mental issues) *probably should be institutionalized!
CHI TOWN B3A5T (fake General)
KINGCIVIC (my personal pick for dumbest)
YoDaddy CHAVEZ (close runner-up) *We’ll have an audio clip of this weirdo tomorrow
UF Geoff (if only mom would have listened to dad and aborted him)

If you run into any of these idiots on live, let them know they made our list.

I’m putting together a video of KINGCIVIC and his horrible sniping skills for tomorrow’s post. The poor sap thought he had skills, but couldn’t back it up. He actually thought the 2 kill victory in a 4 on 2 game had something to do with his performance.

I guess I should go easy on the kid, since he’s rolling around his hillbilly town in a ‘94 Civic… but I just can’t resist owning the NOOB!

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